I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
