God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
