Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
