A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
