i need an iv and a liver transplant
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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