Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
