I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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