i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
