and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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