the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
