Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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