Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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