I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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