My hair reeks of homosexuality.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize