so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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