i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
