never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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