I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
