walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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