i just google imaged poop.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
