I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
