I'm drive I can fine osifer
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
