even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
