speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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