i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
