guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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