I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
nutella sex= disaster
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
