I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
