He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
