They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
