My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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