just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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