How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
