i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
