Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
