He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
