I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
