Kiss
Puke
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
