My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
