im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
