Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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