Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
