Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
