Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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