My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
where are my eyebrows?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
