In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
