I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize