genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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