He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
