i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
