i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
