Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
