Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
