Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize