Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
