I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
