I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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