Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
