If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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