Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize