I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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