I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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