omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
