Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
