Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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