I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
