How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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