Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
