he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
