just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
only you would photoshop your dick
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
