porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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