he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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