Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
