My room smells like vodka and shame
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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