Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
