Christians are straight up FREAKS
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
