when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize