I bet he comes in French.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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